Ideas for the MLB Channel

Life has bestowed upon me many blessings. I rarely get sick, my family and friends are all healthy and happy for the most part, alcohol happens to be legal in my native country and recently I got the MLB Channel.

Now, far be it for me to criticize something awesome, but baseball needs serious help. Maybe the MLB Channel’s executives, if given the time, will realize that laughter and sex sell way more products than uptight, semi coherent idiots with opinions on baseball. After this realization, the folks running the shows about The Show may come to terms with the concepts necessary to make this niche market channel an awesome and totally beyond super cool reality.

Now, the MLB network may have refused all of my efforts for improving their show. Maybe they’ve ignored my letters, phone calls and angry email tirades but they can’t ignore this… blog?

Alright, what the fuck ever. I’m going for it anyway.

If the MLB wishes to improve their network they need to add more hot chicks (preferably of the half naked variety but I’ll take what I can get at this point), they need to infuse some damn humor into one of the more poetic and timeless American sports and they need to hire me like yesterday. Just look at the shows I thought up in the last ten minutes.

The Bitching Hour
An hour a week where baseball players, coaches, umpires and fans can all come together and complain about how they got screwed. All the bad calls can be rehashed, all the shitty player seasons that cost millions of dollars and yielded mediocrity (or worse) can be relived and torn apart. In short, everyone gets to vent. Lucy Pinder can host. She doesn’t need to say anything. This show sells itself.

Hysteria Baseball Theatre 4000
Classic baseball games can be replayed with actual comedians doing voiceovers that make fun of past styles of play, past styles of facial hair and just the general bigotry of past eras. If comedy equals tragedy plus time, then the Houston Astros classic ‘80s uniforms should be good for at least twenty shows.

Hot Softball Chicks do Stuff
I don’t care what they do as long as they’re hot.

Hot Baseball Wives and Girlfriend Do Stuff
Again, I don’t care what they do as long as they’re hot.

You Banged Her
A panel of current baseball stars talk about all the fine chicks they get and who has or hasn’t banged the models, celebrities or strippers who are chosen as the topics each show. I wouldn’t think that inviting she-male freak Alex Rodriguez would be a good call, but you know, maybe during freak weak (more on this in a later post). Speaking of which…

The Real Show
Baseball players both past and present all take turns talking about who did what with regards to steroids, greenies, cocaine and other drugs. This would make for an awesome episode just about every week. Decadence kicks ass.

These are just some of the ideas I came up with in several minutes while on my third beer, which means that the executives at the MLB Channel could really improve their chances for advertising revenue if they hired me to run their channel.

Your move, Major League Baseball. Your move.