Jemele Hill does not Know what Words Mean

Jemele hill writes for ESPN, despite the fact that she doesn't know what words mean. It's tricky, but she still pulls it off. And by "pulls it off" I mean "fails completely." Her words are in bold, mine are in a state of frustration.

Choosing a Rhodes Scholarship over the NFL? Now that's admirable
By Jemele Hill

I wish I'd seen the Myron Rolle interview in which he expressed his desire to bring specialized medicine to underdeveloped countries as much as I've seen the grainy footage of Adam "Pacman" Jones frequenting yet another strip club.

Okay, first off, fuck you. You can watch whatever you want however many times you want to watch it. But here’s the deal as regards the same Pacman Jones who is constantly being covered and exposed by ESPN, for which (and oh by the way) you work: he may have planned murders. When a millionaire athlete plans murders, that’s news. When a kid transfers to Oxford, that’s just a smart kid transferring schools. Myron Rolle isn’t passing up millions. He’s postponing millions for one year. Let’s not get him ready for the papacy just yet, okay Jemele?

I wish Rolle's 3.75 grade point average at Florida State was considered as scintillating as the recent rumblings about Terrell Owens, who reportedly might be on his way out of Dallas.

Do you? Do you really wish that a student athlete’s GPA be considered scintillating? Can you really even say that Terrell Owens leaving Dallas is scintillating? Here’s the definition of scintillating: brilliantly lively, stimulating, or witty. Is there anything scintillating about a wide receiver getting booted off a team? I would say no. I would also say that Jemele Hill, a professional writer, does not know what words mean.

It's not easy to accept the fact that a 75-year-old grandmother in Elkhart, Ind., probably would recognize Jones but wouldn't know Rolle -- the most important story in college football -- from a vacuum salesman.

Actually, it is easy to accept the fact that someone I’ve never heard of in a place I’ve never been to would be more likely to know a famous man than a not so famous man. It is the definition of “easy to accept” because it is likely. Seriously, you are a professional writer. You should know what words mean. Also, vacuum salesman? The hell is wrong with you, Jemele?

I'm as guilty as most columnists. I've written twice about O.J., once about T.O., and once about Brett Favre, giving selfish athletes a platform when Rolle has done something so extraordinary it's worth 100 columns.

If you wrote a hundred columns about Myron Rolle, you would be fired. Also, you didn’t give any of those athletes mentioned a platform because offering them a platform entails letting them speak about issues specific to obtaining a goal. You wrote ABOUT them, thus by definition you did not offer them a platform. Learn what fucking words mean, Jemele! Also, Favre, Owens and Simpson were all in the news for dastardly and/or odd reasons. Rolle is a smart kid transferring schools. Oh, and he happens to play football. And that’s the whole fucking story, Jemele. Jeez.

Even better, Rolle's achievements have nothing to do with how fast the Florida State safety can backpedal, run the 40-yard dash or tackle.

Actually, this is wrong too. If Rolle weren’t a good football player, you wouldn’t write this story and his achievements would be ignored. At this point in the article, you are officially full of shit. You have eaten so much shit that you cannot eat any more. And you smell.

He is a rare breed, all right. Rolle is a college player who can be called a "student-athlete" without it being an oxymoron. He announced this week that he is delaying entering the NFL draft until 2010 so he can spend a year studying medical anthropology at Oxford University.

Good. Seems like a great kid. Cute story and all that.

In November, Rolle won a prestigious Rhodes Scholarship, following in the footsteps of NBA legend Bill Bradley and former President Bill Clinton. That alone was an exemplary achievement. But then Rolle really outdid himself by stiff-arming the NFL, even after an advisory committee informed him he would be among the first 50 players chosen in the draft.

Did he really stiff arm the NFL? Or did he postpone the inevitable for a year? I mean, it’s not like he said, “Hey NFL, I will never play in your stupid league. I’m going to England for the rest of my life because I like tea and rugby… and also Roger Goodell is a douche bag.”

"It's a great opportunity," Rolle told ESPN.com. "I'm going to get the chance to study at Oxford and read some incredible books and be among scholars. The whole culture in England is just very appealing. It will make me a better person and a stronger advocate."

Great kid. Says great things. Does the right thing. Kind of boring but still, you have to admire him.

Rolle passing up millions to study abroad is a much bigger deal than Tim Tebow winning a second national championship, Alabama returning to national prominence or even Utah's undefeated season.

No. No, no, no and no. A national championship is news every year because every college team wants to win one. It is the stated goal of a D-1 football season. And Rolle hasn’t passed up millions yet. He has postponed his collection of millions. The words “passed up” imply that he will never see those millions. You should learn what words mean, Jemele Hill. You are a writer.

It would be one thing if Rolle were just a scrub, but he has started virtually every game since his freshman year and was the Seminoles' third-leading tackler this season.

You sound like you are trying to justify this entire article with that last paragraph.

Despite having a legitimate pro future, Rolle did the right thing by not going to the NFL right away. Like Tony Dungy, Rolle's destiny is bigger than football. The NFL might be the best sport in America, but at Oxford, Rolle will be among some of the greatest minds in the world.

The NFL is not a sport, Jemele. Football is a sport. I know I sound like a broken record but please, for the love of all that is decent and holy, learn what fucking words mean.

"My family was very supportive," Rolle said. "They wanted me to go to Oxford because they taught me to always put education first. It was the most important thing for me besides God and family. Some of my teammates and frat brothers were like, 'Man, that's a lot of money to pass up.' I was definitely getting mixed input."

Mixed Input, not for nothing, is the name of a garage band started by computer geeks in southern California. True story.

Most college athletes are obsessed with getting to the pros, and many of them have proved they will do anything to get there, even if it's something unethical. Every day, we read about athletes who let their sport define them. So it's refreshing to know that Rolle's dream isn't to plant his helmet in Tom Brady's ribs. His biggest dream is to open a free medical clinic in the Bahamas, where his parents and some of his siblings were born.

My biggest dream is about seven feet tall and sometimes puts its helmet into Tom Brady’s ribs. Also, opening free medical clinics can only be done with a lot of money. NFL players accumulate lots of money. Just saying.

"Studying at Oxford is more than about the acclaim and the power," Rolle said. "It's about the people you meet. Yes, the NFL can give you financial stability, but I feel that's just temporary."

You are a smart kid, Mr. Rolle.

I only wish there 20 million more people like him. I'd rather read 1,000 more stories about Rolle than one more about whether Plaxico Burress should remain a Giant. There wasn't a Tebow run, a Sam Bradford pass, a Colt McCoy scramble or a Michael Crabtree catch this season as impressive as what Rolle has done in the classroom and for his community.

Your hyperbole has become tiresome, Jemele. Also, if there were twenty million more people like him, this would not be close to a news story.

Rolle graduated from his New Jersey high school with a perfect 4.0 GPA, earned his bachelor's degree at FSU in two and a half years and will have his master's degree in public administration before he leaves for Oxford.

Nerd.

Rolle created a program called Our Way To Health for Seminole Indian children to help educate them about the importance of physical fitness. He studied comparative politics and holistic medicine for six weeks in London, and was awarded a $4,000 grant for cancer research.

Goody goody.

Rolle would rather be a neurosurgeon than a Pro Bowler. He'd rather work for the World Health Organization, the leading think tank in global health, than be the next Ed Reed. His idol is Benjamin Carson, a doctor and director of pediatric neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins, not FSU alum Deion Sanders.

Awesome. Great kid. Someone should write an article about him or something.

"Access to specialized doctors isn't great," Rolle said. "If an organization could channel the great doctors that are in the United States to other countries, it would be outstanding. There are programs out there, but I see that need."

A lofty goal. A spirited purpose. A good kid with an idealistic mindset. Beautiful.

It's too bad our infatuation with talented athletes who are hopelessly immature and irresponsible prevents us from fully appreciating someone like Rolle and giving him the attention he deserves.

Don’t speak for me, Jemele. Also, how does laughing at TO’s idiocy prevent me from appreciating Rolle? How? Seriously, make a goddamn point already.

Unbelievably, Rolle once was criticized by FSU defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews, who complained that Rolle was spending too much time studying and not enough time preparing as a football player.

That is unbelievable to you, Jemele? You know what is unbelievable to me? Goblins. Jemele Hill does not know what fucking words mean and she is paid to use words by ESPN. This irks me. I am irked over here.

Sounds like a pretty smart guy.

That last sentence should be this entire article.